THE UNDERSCORE JAM #2: BIZARRE BIOS - RESULTS

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And thus another Underscore Jam has passed. This time folks were asked to create a profile of a character based entirely off a randomly selected name, and as expected every single entry knocked it out of the park.

Please take some time to go through these, they are all in their own way remarkable and a peek into a larger world that exists only in the imagination. Thanks to everyone for participating, use this thread to discuss further, and feel free to share these far and wide and to remind everyone that The Underscore Jam #3 is just two months away…

By @adriendittrick

Pam Cakes

Pam Cakes
Pam Cakes

Age: 33
Occupation: Real Estate Agent
WP: 2
MP: 1
AP: 6
Words: [ACQUIRE] [EXPAND] [REFURBISH]

The painted world
The painted world256×144 3.52 KB

Pam was an exceptional student during her pre-magical lifetime.
However by the time she finished her studies, she realized that her Master’s degree was worth nothing because of the counter-magical war economy.
Every piece of land had already been acquired by the Terran government, nothing was selling, and because of the population decline everyone actually already had a government-assigned home.

This wouldn’t work.

She defected and joined the ranks of the reality-ending magus, those who had arrived in our world to steal all the energy in order to fuel their never-ending expansion. If the world was going to end anyway, she might as well be on the side of the destroyers.

Her interview with the Queen went smoothly, and she was accepted with three very powerful words (the undercover spy which was sent in with her was very jealous of this turn of events.) However, upon first contact with the land itself, she discovered that her stats were incredibly low. She was never a very imaginative person and because of this she got a poor MP score. She held no beliefs other than money being good sometimes and got low WP as well. What the hell even was AP? It was never explained to her. Really she was dealt a bad hand again.

This wouldn’t work either.

She could not [acquire] anything that was not firmly rooted to the ground. [Refurbish] was not a service that most magus needed, being able to alter their own bodies and loci at will. This document will not elaborate on the usages of [Expand] but suffice to say she did not have many clients.

Most notably as we all know today, the magus economy was favor-based with a low emphasis on material possessions and currencies. Her studies were useless. her dreams were gone.

So she did the most reasonable thing someone in her situation would do, and started a materialism cult within the magus society: “TAKE BACK THE LAND” as it was known before becoming “THE EMPIRE OF HOURS” She got on her side powerful magic-users who were longing for the order they used to have back on earth. Those made up roughly half of the cult. One of their mission statements was to bring back the hierarchy and structure of the old world, however they had made one crucial mistake in their takeover of the magus world:

The old world was not gone.

In fact, the other half of her organization was made up entirely of spies from the old world, who were determined to destroy the new one from within. When she attained her goals of usurping the throne, an operation was launched by the spies to completely destroy the internal energy structure of the CORE.

Not satisfied with the outcome of things, she escaped through the magus portal and was immediately executed for treason by the Terran government.

By @retrohistories

Dornant Herstle

Though DORNANT HERSTLE (pronounced ‘harsel’) works as a notary for the firm of Steed & Sons by day, he is also one of the eleven (for there are always eleven) members of the Arcanographic Institute of London, an exclusive fraternity dedicated to tending and growing the great library of esoteric knowledge on the city’s hidden corners and byways that is known to its members (and its members alone) as ‘The Missing Map’. For the moment, his appointed seat (for every member fills one) is that of the Listener. His job, then, is the collection and cataloguing of hearsay in the wash-houses, orphanages and ale-dens of the old city; any place that the populace might loosen their lips more than they properly intend. In this role, he is also expected to keep an eye open for promising candidates for each of the seats of the Institute, should the time come where a replacement Surveyor, Warder, or even Hierarch is urgently needed.

By @tatra

Aeosyle Zerros

Name: Aeosyle Zerros
Age: 32 days
Location: 32.24317638005, -76.52596021233 (Virginia)

An electron microscope image of a freshwater ciliate, being ridden by a greenskinned cowboy, waving his hat over his head.

Howdy! My name is Aeosyle Zerros, that’s Zee Ee Arr Arr Oh Ess. I’m a Ciliate rancher, coming up on 15 days in the job, yes sirree. My pappy taught me 3 things; how to be respectful, how to be honest, and how to run a ciliate ranch. I got maybe another 7 days in the saddle before I hang up the old hat, plenty of time to bring my girls up and show them the ropes. Lil’ Hresorla, she’s damned near as good as me already, you better believe it.

Now I know that some o’ y’all seen ciliate so big you can barely see to the end of 'em. I heard tell that in Vermont way, they’s gots ciliates big as a millimetre, would you fathom that? Here, we don’t breed 'em for size, but for quality. Best damned ciliates this side of the Atlantic, I tell you what.

Best bit about about ciliates is they’re all over the place. I heard some of those big folks with cows and horses and whatnot, they have to contend with some improper individuals coming along and taking them, on account of not having any of their own and getting real desperate. Ciliates though, we’ve got plenty to go around, the value is all in the quality.

Lemme tell you what I like. I like bright sunlight, clean air, clear water, all that good nutrition. I like riding my ciliates, as you can see from my picture up there. I like a good old sing-song and a dance. I love my husband and kids, best damned family a guy could ask for.

So listen, y’all need a helping hand, you just holla, OK? Ride safe, y’all, yeehaw!

By @FrownyBiscuit

Samarkand Loveday

A Tinder profile for Samarkand Loveday, Merchant Prince of Marsahj. The profile indicates that he is interested in "foot stuff".

By @Meow

Willertine Bythistle

This is the biography page of Willertine Bythistle, which is covered in yellow smiley faces. The biography reads as follows: "Willertine was born a few miles east of cosmetics during a 50% off sale on blankets and exercise equipment. Not much is known about their life for a while. When they were three years old, they walked into the hardware aisle alone and got lost, then cried. They wandered to the clothes aisle in tears and begged the employee manning the changing booths to search for their parents on the intercom, but they couldn't speak yet, so nothing happened. They don't remember how they got home that day. They think they probably died that day and that all this has been a dream." Much of the information about them is obscured by smiley faces.

By @placeholder

Astron of the Black Step

Name: Astron of the Black Step
Location: 3rd step
Age: grown
Occupation: spinner
Shoeing life list highlights: period-accurate nine-inch goth platform boots; working heelys; rare leopard-print crocs
Friends: Casper of the Black Step; Wilma of the Payphone; August of the Afternoon Breeze

*** NOT LOOKING TO MAKE AN EGG SACK WITH YOU!!! WEBMAKERS’ CORNER IS NOT A DATING SITE!!! YOU WILL BE BLOCKED AND REPORTED AND CURSED BY MAGIC!!! ***

What’s catching! I’m mostly here to swap efficient webmaking techniques for high-traffic areas. I typically spin a corner web on warm black tile overnight, and then shoe watch in my crevice during the day. They keep demolishing my webs with their damn leaf blowers every morning. Message me if you have dealt with similar. Thanks August for the super clear and beautiful webmaking pics you’ve probably seen on my posts.

Closeup of some black steps that have a spiderweb in the corner. Roughly drawn using my phone’s built-in screenshot annotation.

By @RedTickseed

XYLOPHERROS SMYTHWICKE

XYLOPHERROS SMYTHWICKE. A Pink Crystal with light blue touches. The pink crystal sits on a warm yellow floor with the same colour background. Semi-Translucent crystal.

Name: XYLOPHERROS SMYTHWICKE

Age: 5,728,646

Location: 5th FLOOR, SMURT, OLD ARTHOON, SWEPT TURN GALAXY

Occupation: (FORMER) STAR VOYAGER, UNEMPLOYED

Resonation: 23.5306 PSCM

Bio: XYLOPHERROS IS INTERESTED IN YOU! XYLOPHERROS IS INTERESTED IN YOU!

XYLOPHERROS JOURNEYED TO YOUR WORLD FROM A DISTANT STAR.

XYLOPHERROS IS NOT LIKE YOU. NOT LIKE YOU. NOT LIKE YOU!

XYLOPHERROS RESONATED THEIR CASKET FROM THE MINERALS AROUND AND IN THEM. IF YOU WERE TO DO THAT IT WOULD RESULT IN NON-EXISTENCE!

XYLOPHERROS WAS CONSCIOUS FOR THE MILLIONS OF YEARS IT TOOK TO JOURNEY TO YOUR WORLD. XYLOPHERROS SPENT ALL OF IT THINKING OF YOU!

XYLOPHERROS MADE AN ERROR AND LANDED IN YOUR FOURTH SEA.

XYLOPHERROS TOOK SIX HUNDRED OF YOUR YEARS TO CRAWL OUT TO THE SURFACE AS XYLOPHERROS SLOWLY ADAPTED TO THE CHANGING PRESSURES OF YOUR CRUSHING OCEANS!

XYLOPHERROS’ AGE MAY LEAD YOU TO BELIEVE THAT XYLOPHERROS IS INFINITE. XYLOPHERROS DOES LACK PERMANENCE! NON-EXISTENCE IS CERTAIN FOR XYLOPHERROS!

XYLOPHERROS DOES NOT KNOW WHEN THAT WILL HAPPEN.

XYLOPHERROS MET SMALL CREATURES LIKE YOU. THEY WERE NOT AFRAID!

XYLOPHERROS ENJOYS FEEDING DUCKS AND PLAYING CARDS WITH BANNIE ZUTBON.

XYLOPHERROS APPROVES OF MEZ SMYTHWICKE AND HAS ADDED THEIR NAME THEIR OWN!

XYLOPHERROS SMYTHWICKE WILL CONVERGE WITH YOU!

By @AJ_McKenna

Tzeir Galbo

A black and white painting of a grinning man who looks a bit like Nigel Farage.

Name: Tzeir Galbo

The Galbo campaign, odd on its surface, is something that becomes infinitely more perplexing the more one looks into it, not least for its implications in the emerging academic discipline of Counterpart Studies, compared to which the legal ramifications of his candidacy are almost a mere bagatelle.

Like his fellow Counterparts, Galbo arrived in our United States of America as a result of the Anomalous Atmospheric Event. What was, at least at the time, considered unusual was the fact that his Counterpart was, at the time, not in our United States but, uncharacteristically, in Westminster. A fact which Galbo himself registered that evening, when he overheard a radio broadcast on the BBC World Service. True, the droning voice which he heard was engaging in a demagoguery Galbo, in his own world an esteemed nuclear physicist, would never indulge; true, he had an alcoholic drawl which was not to be found in the near-teetotal Galbo’s own vocal delivery; and, most notably, the counterpart spoke English, rather than Hungarian - but Galbo would know his own voice anywhere.

In that moment, Galbo made two resolutions: that he would dedicate his academic life in this new world to learning everything he could about the Counterpart phenomenon; and that his personal life would be dedicated to tracking down his personal Counterpart, and killing him.

The latter proved surprisingly easy. By making contact with his Counterpart, Galbo was able to play on his hunger for publicity by offering him a photo opportunity, during which Galbo, utilising his training as a former member of the Hungarian MIA III, fatally stabbed his Counterpart in the neck with a black ballpoint pen of the most generic type. ‘I like to think the irony was not lost on him,’ he observes laconically when I visit him in his cell at the Hassockfield Counterpart Holding Facility, where Galbo had planned to spend his internment working on the Counterpart Problem in a pure physics sense. And he might have done so - had he not been so appalled by the government’s approach to - and use of - that phrase in a political sense that he felt compelled to use the platform given to him as a result of his actions to speak out.

It was in response to the demographically astounding results of polling in the wake of Galbo’s statements that the Galbo Candidacy was born… (cont. pg 94)

By @totallyfries

Pollianth Goatward

Crude unfinished drawing of a person, in shape only. Above is a cut out piece of paper that reads: "Name: Pollianth Goatward Physical Form: Drawing Occupation: None Aspirations: Unknown Relations: Loved" On the left next to the Drawing is a cut out piece of paper that reads: "l exist. I exist. I cannot move and cannot see or hear or feel or smell or taste. But I exist because I am physical. Maybe just a drawing, maybe more or maybe I do not have to be. Is it enough to be perceivable? I am perceivable since I exist in three dimensions. You may say only two but that is not true. The tool that made me a realisation left just enough graphite on paper to make me visible. A width that can barely be measured is enough. Now you can perceive me. My shape is human. An amalgamation of the lived experiences of someone else. It is political even so l am completely removed from its meaning. I am just a drawing and I do not partake. One day, and it doesn't matter how many, not for me, I will end. At least as this form. Or at least after a definition I will. I also have a Name. You can read it right above me. Does it influence your view of me?" The drawings head is angled to the upper left corner where a round light shines.

By @EnVee

Swæk the Duck Botherer

A form filled in by hand labeled FSPD Document Release Form, the text on it says: "This is a general FSPD document release form, misuse will be severely punished. Internal use only. Document ID: S13/45-48-10-113. Name: Jane Zhao. ID#:04837/001. Superior: n/a. Date: 2470-05-23. I hereby declare that I understand the rules and punishments involved in improperly handling the requested documents if they are released to me, as declared in the FPSD Manual, subsection 35c. Signature: J Zhao." in the bottom left it says: "C034-9812/32" the bottom right it says "Fenghuang Station Police Department"

A document named: "Criminal Record - S13/45-48-10-113" it has the image of a short purple haired person with thick eyebrows and an unhappy expression with the text: "Name(s): Swæk redacted the Duck Botherer. Age: 35. D.O.B: 2436-redacted. Pronouns: They/Them. StationID: 4/36-redacted. Residence: Fenghuang Station - Section 13 - Unit redacted - Level redacted - Hallway redacted - Door redacted. Legal Occupation(s): Bee Pilot - Bartender. Affiliation(s): Sewer Rats - Triad of Evil - redacted - redacted. General Information: Swæk redacted, child of redacted and redacted, ran away from home when they were 15. They were taken in by the Sewer Rats and Swæk often faced criminal charges, though their direct connections to redacted made the criminal system refuse to persecute them. Between the years of 4254 and 2458 they had their ID chip edited¹. They also learned to be a Bee pilot and seemingly cut contact with the Sewer Rats during this time period. In 2458 Swæk got arrested under their alias, this was due to multiple incidents of common nuisance by the so called "Duck Block" (S03U16) by repeatedly piloting their Bee into it and flashing their spotlights at its windows whenever they were nearby. Swæk was released from Cell Unit 12 in 2460, we presume during their time in prison they got in contact with the Triad of Evil. In between their release and their next arrest in 2464, we have the multiple suspected homicides and other illicit activities we can link to them" at the bottom is a footnote: "¹The criminal record of this false alias has been merged with the current record when it was confirmed."

The second page of the previous document, the text goes: "during this period. Their next arrest in 2466 was after they were found in "Duck Block" carrying multiple weapons, including illegal cartridge types and heavy explosives. Swæk was the sole living person inside of "Duck Block". After their arrest Swæk was sentenced to execution but for unknown reasons ended up being taken off death row by the Jiǔ, we were able to confirm this was not due to their direct connections to redacted, and were asked by the Jiǔ to cease our investigations after this confirmation. Ever since, we routinely come into contact with DNA material at criminal sites belonging to Swæk. However, due to the wishes of the Jiǔ we are no longer actively investigation Swæk's connection to these. Addendum: I'm Mredacted, I've been hired by redacted and have continued this investigation by their request. Having looked through redacted and re-examining evidence myself there's a clear indication that subject's DNA redacted. To my knowledge the sole redacted aboard Fenghuang who has the capabilities to do this would be redacted. Contacting redacted directly they refused redacted my redacted and have since redacted multiple redacted life. I've quit any further investigations and with guidance from the Jiǔ, redacted and redacted, have decided to destroy all evidence found, opting to report to redacted that subject's whereabouts and status are unknown." after that it follows in bold and underlined: "THIS RECORD HAS BEEN CLOSED BY REQUEST OF THE JIǓ" with at the bottom of the page a page number of 2.

By @plut0

Plennart van Glertlespink

BASIL: Pink is the old man living upstairs.

STEVE: Old man? He must be in his thirties, maybe forty!

BASIL: His full name is… Leo.. P… Something van Something-pink. That’s why we’ve been calling him Pink.

STEVE: Plennart van Glertlespink

BASIL: He seems nice, never complains about the noise, even when the bar closes late. I don’t really know what he does but he likes running. He goes every single night around 9, comes back to the bar, orders green tea and as soon as he’s finished, he goes home.

I never got the chance to talk to him so I’m not sure I could help you.

STEVE: Oh, there he is. Yep, it’s 9. Always on time.

BASIL: If you want to ask him about your weird tape, you could wait around. He should be done in 45 minutes.

underscore jam2

underscore jam2 (2)

By @AlienBob

Sissy Hipnoll

Sissy Hipnoll

Alt text

A curved green CRT display shows a list of attributes, and softer in the background an ASCII closeup image of Manet’s Olympia. The text reads:
Subject Name: Sissy Hipnoll
Age: 28(00)
Location: Erstwhile, Anthemoessa
Eye color: Hazel
Blood: Fluid
Hair texture: As the foamy sea
Parental Unit 1: Gregorieyy Hipnoll
Parental Unit 2: Mei CC…Cruz
Parental Unit 3: Taoyler Moargoan
Overal Score: 9430, I’m sure
Estimated Affinity: 200 or something
Favorite Color: Green
Favorite Shape: Rhombus
Hey Carl, why is it generating: so much data?
Effectiveness: Effective
Camraderie Factor: Infinite, my friend
Water requirements: Required
Severity of Musculature: you are getting sleepy.
Danger in Notated Situation #433: No threat
Explicit Verifyability: Confirmed
Time to Aquiescence: 0.00032 seconds
Carl, it’s only supposed to be five: attributes!
Volleyball Certification: With honors
Known Unkowns: Known
Medicinal Requirements: you will be good like me.
Nomenclature Susceptibility: better even.
Frameshift Canonicity: several dozens times c
True name: if you let me, I will tell you
Percentage complete: 99.999999
Clarification intent: Obfuscated
Concurrence with other events: Guaranteed
Almost there: now
Be a good: girl
Nevermind, Carl, it’s all: good.

Subject Bio: I am not a threat. Look deep into my green, green eyes and accept the truth. I am your friend.

By @NylePudding

SIDNURETH FLANKJAW

image

Alt text

SIDNURETH FLANKJAW

Age - 57

Location - Small pawnshop just outside of town.

Connoisseur and pawn-broker of pre-chewed chewing gum - lovingly chewed by local and national celebrities alike. Every purchase is complete with a certificate of authenticity signed by none other than the chewer themselves. None of Sid’s contracts have officially leaked, but it was rumoured that Sigourney Weaver war offered a 5 figure sum.

Once chewed and closely observed by Flankjaw, gum is taken and carefully rolled out like-new and dusted with a specially made powder. A small off-cut of each piece is kept aside, just for him.

Members of the public who aren’t famous are also welcome to get an offer for a base price of 50 dollars, not a bad deal if you’re at a pinch.

Sid will only buy your gum once. It will be seen as disrespectful if you come back for another 50 dollars, especially if you’re in disguise.

By @Goose

Hensbane Redtoe

WANTED Hensbane Redtoe HIGH-PRIORITY TARGET NEUTRALIZE ON SIGHT Height: 6’1” Weight: ~230lbs Hair colour: Black (dyed, original unknown) Eye colour: Blue Skin colour: Caucasian Blood Type: O- DOB: April 11, 1982 Identifying Marks: - Ankh tattoo, back of the neck - tree branch tattoos over left hand and fingers Known Associations: - Minneapolis Anarchist’s Coven - Pride Minnesota - Shakespeare Society of Minneapolis - “No Kings” - “ICE Out” Wanted For: - Domestic Terrorism: destruction of ICE property, aiding & abetting - Transgenderism: spreading transgender ideology, pronoun use - Suspicion of Witchcraft Incident Report: On REDACTED DATE, Redtoe was identified among protestors interfering with ICE operation REDACTED CODENAME on REDACTED PLACE at intersection of REDACTED STREET and REDACTED STREET. Redtoe was observed carrying water and medical supplies, offering aid to domestic terrorists targeted for subdual action. At approx 10:43am, Redtoe assaulted Officer REDACTED NAME using de-arrest maneuver, allowing detained person to escape. Redtoe also escaped detainment. At approx 11:22am, Officers performed strategic repositioning back towards headquarters. Redtoe identified among those slashing tires of abandoned ICE vehicles. Vehicles also disabled by sugar poured into gas receptacle, Redtoe suspected involved.

By @speeris

Semaphorous Menzies

The Busy Bee of the Field

Name: Semaphorous Menzies

Species: Bee

Locale: Fields

Semmy was a rather interesting case. If it wasn’t obvious, she’s got a last name which is very uncommon in spirits so far.

According to her, a family lived nearby and would visit her fields often to observe the flowers she was ever so proud of. Over the years, the family began treating her as one of their own. She was asked to don their family name so that it may live on, and she never forget her home.

Despite being secluded, Semmy seems rather healthy. She does not a starved or frenzied state during Full and New Moons, but she appears lightheaded during them. My educated guess is that the familial bond she formed gave her a lot of energy, enough to coast for quite some time. Wonderful news, but I fear it won’t last

My suggestion to her was open her field as an arboretum; daily visitors would certainly keep her energy levels high. Personally, I would love others to see this place, her field is magnificent.

ps. no picture this time, celeste broke my camera application…

The main thread will remain open for a week, so those of you who have been assigned a name but haven’t submitted yet, you still have time. I’ll add it to this post when I see it.

So… Which if these curious characters would you go and have a drink with?

12 Likes
5

so cooooool, I totally missed the jam but will happily read those in details :)

5 Likes